Randuhsaurus

You’re right, I haven’t heard it in a while. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard you call me that, but every time I try to remember what it sounds like, there it is. There it is: a word which previously had all but little meaning to me. A concept that I did not understand, something that was not possible; I couldn’t be it, it wasn’t me. Or was it? All that time, all those years I had to live my life without you and now, after having you in my life for so long, I just don’t know how I did it. I certainly can’t now. It’s like seeing an unintentional image in something, you just can’t ‘unsee’ it. I can’t live without you. Sure, I may be able to breathe and do all those other things. I may be able to muster up a smile on my face, somehow. But there’s a part of me, a really, really, really big part of me that’s now, well…you. There’s something that can’t be replaced, that never will be replaced, and never will shrink inside of me. Like the tide, swelling up, gaining momentum, and smashing against the jagged stones of the cliffside that is my heart and receding ever so slowly, only to start again. Something that won’t stop, can’t stop. A drumming noise inside my head, so to speak. That’s why I’ll never move on, you see. That’s why I can’t. It’s not like the ‘rememory’ of Beloved. This time it goes with me and doesn’t remain in the place where it’s left. Not that I would leave it anyway. And every time I think about what it sounds like, I hear your voice loud and clear inside my head, just as if it was seconds ago. Anyway, what was it again that I wanted to hear? Maybe…Baby.